Well, the past few days have been a difficult personal trial. As a Chronic Pain patient, like many have clearly articulated in their blogs, ect, learning to cope and maintain pleasant mindset can be greatly taxed by pain. Sweetest person you EVER knew, as an acquaintance of mine describe his friends saga from point A to point B. He still occasionally attempts to offer company, assistance with any tasks that pain has made burdensome. He has been fairly consistently rebuffed over past 3 years, with things obviously deteriorating rapidly approximately 7 years ago, and it was approximately 10 years ago the condition was diagnosed.
The anger that I felt, combined with the horrifyingly effects of incipient withdrawal, sorting out the massima of anger , angry at the violation, angry that I'm dependent on medication- the bottom line being someone else controls the quality of my life. PLEASE, DON'T TAKE THIS OUT OF CONTEXT: I have struggled to find health care providers that take time to sort thru the conditions I have and treat me with credibility, AND AGAIN, I GO ON RECORD SAYING I BELIEVE APM IS AN AMAZING BALANCE OF PROFESSIONAL & PERSONAL CARE. This time of self reflection has lead to some personal discoveries, the way the mind stores and sorts emotional issues. And What happens when your "applecart is overturned. Found demons I had nearly forgotten TOTALLY!!! , But the emotional damage was stored in same "basket " .....hindsight being 20/20... If nothing else, I'm less baffled by the rage and violation I felt.
Yes, I AM ANGRY. But angry fades, the deep sense of violation is the predominantly reoccurring emotional state ...