There is someone in my past who many of you will recognize without naming. That's NOT what my blogs are for. That said, this individual has a seemly unending supply of anger, confronted, they will misquote the Bible and assure you it's a RIGHTEOUS ANGER. Years of exposure to this has left me drained of the energy it takes to be angry, at least for more than the moment. Anger has to have fuel to be sustained. My own rage was startling, to say the least. But once my head cleared, and I looked at What emotional bucket had been kicked, I found violations of my person, physical, emotional that I would NOT have had cause to activity of recall. Personal betrayal, some, I NEVER _have had cause to speak of to anyone. But common theme was personal trust broken, in a manner that resonates with disregard for my personhood. In each case, a person once given some degree of trust, committed an act that, to me, seems only possible if you (they that was them) have objectified me to level that I as an individual ceased to exist, NOT pleasant experience. Rape, emotionally is the only term that honestly expresses these experiences. Harsh word, but I'm not sharing to sugarcoat life. Relieved that I got a grip on the startling violent rage I experienced, but strolling down memory lane, it's more like finding yourself suddenly in "Knockturn Alley" (Harry Potter reference there).
Evil that wo/men will do.... It's a wonder how they can look themselves in the mirror, and meet their own eyes. I can turn the other cheek, But slap it also. Delete file/ toxin not permitted. Very few severe offenders get 3rd strike. Twice bitten, that's sufficient. Sure, people make mistakes. But this is something beyond "I'm sorry "....
Once you cross that line, violation of my person. It is allowed to do delete on relationship.
Yes, I KNOW Luke 17:1-4 may say different, but it also says "if they repent " .... that's their part they own. Sadly, most violators either accept full weight and measure of their betrayal AND/OR root cause is still within them. People have the right to perseverance of selfhood.
If you have been trespassed against, the LORD is NOT expecting you forgive a rapists for the sake of your violator, but that YOU have peace in your own soul.
Just my take on life.....

Well, the past few days have been a difficult personal trial. As a Chronic Pain patient, like many have clearly articulated in their blogs, ect, learning to cope and maintain pleasant mindset can be greatly taxed by pain. Sweetest person you EVER knew, as an acquaintance of mine describe his friends saga from point A to point B. He still occasionally attempts to offer company, assistance with any tasks that pain has made burdensome. He has been fairly consistently rebuffed over past 3 years, with things obviously deteriorating rapidly approximately 7 years ago, and it was approximately 10 years ago the condition was diagnosed.
The anger that I felt, combined with the horrifyingly effects of incipient withdrawal, sorting out the massima of anger , angry at the violation, angry that I'm dependent on medication- the bottom line being someone else controls the quality of my life. PLEASE, DON'T TAKE THIS OUT OF CONTEXT: I have struggled to find health care providers that take time to sort thru the conditions I have and treat me with credibility, AND AGAIN, I GO ON RECORD SAYING I BELIEVE APM IS AN AMAZING BALANCE OF PROFESSIONAL & PERSONAL CARE. This time of self reflection has lead to some personal discoveries, the way the mind stores and sorts emotional issues. And What happens when your "applecart is overturned. Found demons I had nearly forgotten TOTALLY!!! , But the emotional damage was stored in same "basket " .....hindsight being 20/20... If nothing else, I'm less baffled by the rage and violation I felt.
Yes, I AM ANGRY. But angry fades, the deep sense of violation is the predominantly reoccurring emotional state ...